Judge John Hodgman on Older Tree Climbers

Andrew writes: My father is over 70, with serious back problems and arthritis in his hands, but he still rescues cats from trees. While it’s impressive that he can climb a 25-foot cedar and grapple with a terrified cat, I don’t think it’s worth the risk. My dad insists there’s no way he’ll get hurt. Please order him to stop.

I envy your dad, the little scamp. Climbing trees is fun, and there’s nothing wrong with it until the one time when it’s fatal and/or merely catastrophic, and that time is coming. Your dad isn’t a kid anymore. But it’s his body, and alas I cannot order him not to destroy it. But I can order him to stop lying: He doesn’t climb trees to help cats or keep the neighborhood yowl free. He wants to climb up to the heavens so he can flip off God or whatever for cursing him with a mortal body. Me, too. But I can barely climb the stairs.